Sure, most people think marmots are cute but we all know that in reality, there is a sinister air about them.

They love your food, and they will do anything within their power to steal it from you. Don’t you ever wonder why some marmots are so goddamn fat? And if you think that food is the only thing the little bastards want to steal, think again. Same goes with your sweat soaked shirts or hats. The little kleptos love those. I’ve had the pleasure of getting not only a shirt stolen by one, but a hat as well. Probably by the same little f**ker.

So not only does their thieving ways annoy the hell out of me, WHY THE HELL DO THEY MOVE THEIR TAILS LIKE THAT! I mean, is there some sort of mathematical formula that calculates the seemly random back and forth, up and down movements of those stupid furry tails of theirs?

And, have you ever seen a marmot look at you, it’s almost like they’re giving you a stupid arrogant smirk. Think about when someone asks George Dubya a question he can’t answer, he gives a completely unrelated answer and then flashes that stupid smirk. It’s the same smirk that marmots flash to you all the time.

So this leads me to wonder why the french fur trappers almost wiped out the beaver population? They could have easily went after the marmots. I mean, beavers? Come on! They stay away from you, they’re quiet and keep to themselves. They can build a house like it’s nobody’s business. Sure they might chew down a lot of trees, but give ‘em a break. You’d be chewing the hell out of some trees if you had some big dumb front teeth that wouldn’t stop growing.

Plus, some college liked beavers so much that they named their mascot after them. You don’t see any college footballs teams screaming “Marmots, marmots, marmots!” and then flashing that stupid smirk. Of course not. So to sum it up… it’s simple. Marmots Suck.