What the …?

How the…?

I’m not quite sure what happened here. Yesterday morning things were going along as usual. We went for a wonderful ski, I chased the bunnies and came home to a wonderful bowl of kibble. That was when things started change.

They loaded up the truck.

It makes me nervous cause I don’t always get to go. But, this time, I got to pile in the truck and that made me happy.

With my belly full and no new smells, I fell asleep in the back and woke after dark. Supper took place in a truck stop and it was back into the truck. The drive seemed to last a long time and the last section of it was on a bumpy road. Here is where I woke up this morning. On the Marble platform, above Badger rapid, right across the Colorado river from the Navajo Nation.

Mmmmmmm,  Fry bread !!!

So, I have a few friends that patrol at our local ski hill, Snowbowl.

One of these folks I have mentioned in a previous post as a cross between Santa and a garden Gnome (Santa-gnome).

Anyhow, at the beginning of each season the patrollers of Snowbowl get to erect snow fencing and boundary line along the perimeter of the ski area.

The work is warm and the snow, well let’s just say skinny and firm.

I was in the shop the other day, molding some Intuition liners for a customer, when who should appear with his snow sopped gear, Santa-gnome!

After the mold, Santa-gnome and I started talking about an upcoming Mountain Culture post subject I’ve been working on (no, not this one) and the following conversation took place:

Santa-gnome: Dude, do you need any sweet shots of people working in their Cloudveil?

Me: Sure, anything you have would be useful.

Santa-gnome: Awesome, I have a few pics of me and P-dawg (another patroller) working in our Koven Bibs up on the hill!

Me: Great, send them my way.

Santa-gnome: They’re kinda of interesting….

Me: Oh, I’m pretty sure whatever you have I can use.

Well, my first clue should have been the subject line of the email: “Snowbowl XXX”

So, here are Santa-gnome and P-dawg getting the fence up….Enjoy!

Hmmm, maybe I should send these photos to a sunscreen company…..

As I prepare to escape the Hole for law school and a more intellectual path, I am struck by a phenomenon that so many Jacksonites have felt over the years: the skiing in these mountains has a gravitational pull comparable to that of our Sun. The sad state of the snowpack this winter has certainly made it easier to think about leaving and locking myself in a library, and after discovering this little marvel there is nothing holding me back.

I mean, skiing has so many risks – ACL tears, frostbite, avalanches, out of control skiers, long lift lines, getting turtled in the backcountry, scary gondola towers, expensive gear, a 300-inch winter and crowded parking lots.

With this new machine, I can avoid all these risks and be the skier I always knew I could be.** Without people in my way, unpredictable weather and expensive gear, I would have been Bode Miller.

And now I can be both badass on the slopes and in the courtroom.

I can wear a suit to workout in or tennis shoes that match my new machine.

And, while it’s about as expensive as a season pass to Jackson Hole, the lifetime use, the comfort and the stories that will emerge from this machine that I can tell my law buddies in the bar will far outweigh staying in this place with majestic, cold mountains and beautiful shiny new tram cars.

One day, maybe I could even take my inside skiing skills abroad to the what looks like the best place to ski indoors: The Desert. But, that’s for another post.

**According to the German Pro-Idee site, the ski simulator was designed with the help of ski instructors, sport scientists and physical therapists. The device simulates near accurate motions exactly similar to the real sport. It will “vibrate, rotate, tilt – exactly like a real ski descent.” Even the set of ski poles is an integral part of the simulation. With the Alpine Ski Racing 2007 software, you can ski in 32 different races at 18 different venues, including Beaver Creek and Chamonix. You can try six different races in three different divisions at three different levels. The money you save on plane fares, equipment and lessons alone should motivate you to buy this wonder machine. It’s like Wii for the hardcore.

Peter Griffin lives on a couch near Snow King.

I’ve been with Nick on photo shoots, have skied with him personally and watched him do things on teles that during my short three year stint of freeing the heel, I didn’t think could be done.

We sat Nick down this Fall to hear his favorite tele one liners and mixed it up with some of the latest footage of him from Powderwhore. Nick always has an easygoing, laid back attitude, so I don’t think he takes offense to the “telemarking is stupid” bumper stickers, he just shuts it down with some exceptional skiing.

I’ve always thought the wilderness could be the neutral meeting ground for peaceful and harmonious experiences. A place where people from all different nations and creeds could come together to enjoy recreating and meditating in the sounds and smells of the forests and rivers.

Not so.

At least, not so for those hoping to commune with nature through flyfishing in North America.

According to the British fly fishing site “The English Fly Fishing Shop,” fly fishermen visiting the states could die in the wilds and never come home.

Here is the introduction to the cautionary page (click here then scroll to the bottom of the page for the entire WARNING):

What are you talking about I hear you say. This guy has gone mad. He has been fishing in the sun too long. I am very serious. Non Americans fishing in America are in danger of being killed or of being seriously injured. There are hazards like bears, alligators, stingrays, poison ivy, hunters with guns and monster sharks that can cause you harm if not fatal damage. The locals know of the dangers and take steps to try and avoid being hurt. Here in Britain there are no dangerous animals to interrupt a great days fishing. I hope to help you have a safe fishing vacation by providing you with knowledge you need to avoid the pit falls of fly fishing in the America Continent.

The author later goes on to detail those hazards. His list includes sharks, jellyfish, warm seawater bacterium, coral rocks & shells and mountain lions, to name a few.

Maybe because I live in a place populated by mountain lions and bison and elk, or maybe just because the warning is so outrageous, one of my favorite highlights from the warning is about elk:

ELK
American Elk are mostly benign but in the autumn, it’s rutting season and male elk are getting combative, “bugling” to attract mates and deter lustful opponents, just at the same time you might be stalking giant 15 pound, 30 inch brown trout as they spawn in America’s numerous public access rivers. It’s also hunting season in America, so you should wear blaze orange if you are out fishing in the wilderness. The wearing of silly fur hats with antlers is strongly discouraged here! In certain American “wilderness areas” you could find yourself in the middle of a herd of 1,000 or more elk as they migrate through your favorite fishing hole. Simply remain calm, don’t make any sudden movements, and for God’s sake don’t apply any commercially-available “elk rut scent” behind your ears! A bull elk agitated by the rut might get the wrong idea about your intentions, and the results (and surgery bills) could be tragic.

I don’t know if I should laugh or just stare in wonder at this warning.

If the author is serious, and I’m still guessing, one interesting result of the warning creeks and rivers of the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem and beyond will be devoid British accents and full of grizzly-fighting, coral-wrangling North American hard men.